2021: Aftermath.

[kyza_chii143]

I initially planned to write an entry summing up my entire 2021 experience, but I suppose I'll have to get this out of my chest first, and, well, I didn't expect it to be this lengthy.

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After taking a year off from college, I finally got back during the first semester of 2021. I was nervous, but I knew I could do it this time around. Taking that time off was very much the therapy I needed after everything that happened in... my whole life. I was able to better my sense of mindfulness, and I am feeling much more confident about myself, too.

2020 ended on a fair note, if I remember right, but I wouldn't have guessed that 2021 was going to take such a turn.

I was looking forward to finishing the semester so I could concentrate on the year-end programs I have always looked forward to in the past few years. A whole lot of them motivated me to get things done so I could sit in front of my TV [or laptop] watching those shows away without worries.

However, that was before Typhoon Rai (Odette) struck our city (cities).

I didn't anticipate it to have such a huge impact on our lives. Having typhoons aren't anything unusual here in PH, but that wasn't like any of the usual, common ones. I can still hear the sound of the wind blowing, the windows in my house rattling like they're about to break off at any minute. I could only distract myself from all the fear and uncertainties that were eating at me by putting my earphones on and listening to music; well, at the very least, I tried to put on a brave face.

Luckily, my house had only taken minor damages, although my roof flew away elsewhere which explained the water that had filled up my room during the passing of the storm.

Christmas didn't feel like Christmas. Gifts weren't exchanged, given, nor were they wrapped. I was, for the most part, counting my blessings for I knew a whole lot of people were suffering, going through way worse things than I was.

Still, I don't think I could've kept such a cool if it weren't for all of your help.

To my fellow FTD members, BT fans, Eighters, followers, friends of friends, pals, and to you, thank you for helping me out during such a crisis.

I will never be able to thank all of you enough.

I wouldn't have been able to go out, grab food, charge my gadgets, and even access the net if it weren't for your help. I realized moments on that, in the blink of an eye, my lifestyle had to do a huge 180. The plans I had, the break I envisioned, the things that I looked forward to every single day of my life were suddenly stripped away from me, inaccessible, expensive, limited. I knew complaining wasn't going to do anything nor was it of any bigger worth than those who were going through worse, but I was just so heartbroken. The consistency, stability that I had had was broken down to its roots.

I went from going out once every couple of months to going out every other day just so I could charge my gadgets. Net access in my area was quite limited so I had to go to another place within the city just so I could check SNS.

However, the scariest thing was probably the uncertainty of it all.

When were things going to go "back to normal"? When will we be able to have power back in our homes, a clean supply of running and drinking water, food that didn't require being stored in a fridge? When could we communicate without having to worry about signal problems?

On top of that, Rai hit us mere moments before our final exams ended. So, aside from having to deal with the typhoon's aftermath, I still had to keep in mind the final requirements I had yet to do, the outputs we had to submit, our final grades left dangling in the air.

My friend just told me the other day that their power went off for a few hours then, but they were so traumatized by the whole experience that they just feared it wouldn't come back at all. In my case, I got my internet back after 2 whole months of waiting and it only lasted for 2 weeks before it once again died on me for another 2 weeks. How certain am I that I won't be experiencing net problems anymore? Honestly, I can't say for sure. We're forever scarred by that experience and it continues to affect our daily lives.

If anything, the one thing I can say for sure is... I am glad I am able to write this entry and to once again reflect on such a traumatic experience. I still can't believe how we're managing right now, how affected we are still, and that we'll probably be stuck with this constant ache and fear for who knows how long — probably even for a lifetime.

But I am here and that's what matters, I guess. I am still able to tweet about my faves, to talk about my interests, to fantasize about my favorite BL ships. That's a lot to be grateful for! (Haha)

Again, I just really wanted to express my gratitude to so many of you who have helped me during one of my life's worst falls. I will never forget this gratitude, and I hope you'll continue to support me in my future endeavors.

Thank you so much, and I hope you'll spend another year with me in my life's journey.

Kyza